Sometimes, when two people are talking to each other, they have the tendency of giving each other an advice, which they think, is necessary for the situation being dealt with by the other. However, it appears that at times, listening is better than giving one’s opinion on the matter at all. It could be observed through this that the importance of listening is really appreciated during times of low emotional situations of other people. Ordering and Threatening
Most likely, when a person gets overwhelmed with a situation whereas another close person is involved with, he tends to create a possibility by which he could fix the situation for the other person. He intends to order the other to take some steps and later on threaten him with the consequences that might face him if he does not follow the orders given to him. The motive is good indeed but the process of sending the proposed help for the other is wrong making the conversation less refreshing than expected.
Moralizing and excessive Questioning To straighten up the path of the other, one tends to moralize him through giving him advices, which he thinks would help him clean up possible mess that he made. Aside form this; excessive questioning regarding the situation even makes the moralization procedure a bit more irritating as it intends to increase the tension, which is already felt by the other person. Advising As mentioned earlier, at times, a person simply needs somebody who would be ready to listen to him.
Consequently, not all who are becoming the confidant of others realize this. Hence, they tend to advice the person of what should be done, when actually it is not that necessary. The confusion then occurs and the disagreement develops. Bolton again says: “We give the other person a solution to their problems. The advice-giving trap is a rather constant temptation to us, and we find we are most apt to give in to it when someone we love talks over a problem with us…Advice is often a basic insult to the intelligence of the other person.
It implies a lack of intelligence in the capacity of the person with the problem to understand and cope with their own difficulties…another problem with advice is that the advisor seldom understands the full implications of the problem, the complexities, the feelings, and other factors that lie hidden beneath the surface. ” (1999). Yes, sometimes, people already know what to do; they just need somebody to hear them out.
Avoiding other’s concerns Diverting Sometimes when people are so eager to share something, they tend to talk and talk and talk. When it is the time of the other to talk, they intend to divert the conversation back to where they started and talk about their own story again. To many, this is quite insulting especially because it denotes that the other is not really that interested in listening to what the other person has to say.